Today has been really crummy. Nothing bad has happened; the problems are of my mind's own making, mostly stemming from my (unfair) comparison of myself to a friend. I write a list every night of things that I'm grateful for, and tonight's top honor goes to my "laugh out loud" playlist on my iPod. I can't not laugh when I listen to it. Here's what made it on, with brief comments. Please leave other song candidates for this playlist as comments.
1. "Thank God for Jack Daniels" by the Sex Slaves. Winning lyric: "Thank you lord for Jack Daniels, thank you lord for saving me/the only thing that keeps me from the devil/is another glass of that good ole Tennessee ... the only thing that's better than Jack Daniels, is drinking my Jack Daniels for free."
2. "Fever For the Flava" by Hot Action Cop. I laugh at the mere thought of this song, an ode to cunnilingus. I can't decide what's funnier: that a band actually wrote this, or that my husband heard it played on a radio station in Florida. I guess the only funny lyric I'm comfortable quoting is, "Here we go, yo, here's the scenario: gonna strip you down like a car in the barrio."
3. "Totally F**ked" by the original Broadway cast of Spring Awakenings. I guess the opening line says it best: "There's a moment you know, you're f**cked/not an inch more room to self-destruct."
4. "Schadenfreude" by the original Broadway cast of Avenue Q. This whole song is a riot, with examples of schadenfreude abounding, including "Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken/or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in." But my favorite example of schadenfreude has always been, "Being on an elevator when somebody yells, 'hold the door!"/No! 'F**k you, lady, that's what stairs are for!'" I've been on both sides of that elevator door.
5. "Betty and Me" by Jonathan Coulton. Lest you think that I'm only amused by sex and vulgarity, here is a clean song that makes me laugh! This is just a clever little ditty.
6. "Flakes" by Frank Zappa. Kudos for me being sophisticated enough at age 13 to get the brilliance of this song! Years of homeownership have only affirmed its wisdom: "Flakes flakes! They can't fix your brakes/You ask em, 'where's my motor?'/'Well, it was eaten by snakes'/You can stab n' shoot n' spit/but they won't be fixin' it."
7. "I Won't Be Home for Christmas" by Blink 182. Scrooge at its best! "It's Christmas time again/it's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year/I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer."
8. "Merry F**cking Christmas" from Comedy Central's "South Park." What's up with the Jewish girl having two Christmas-related songs on her playlist? After a string of other ridiculous insults to other faiths that don't celebrate Christmas, Mr. Garrison says, "Hey there Mr. Shintoist, merry f**king Christmas, God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum." Even typing that makes me laugh.
9. "Ikea" by Jonathan Coulton. Sheer genius! "Long ago in days of yore/It all began with a god named Thor/There were Vikings and boats/And some plans for a furniture store/It's not a bodega, it's not a mall/And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine/As if there were apartments smaller than mine." Ikea totally deserves a song.
10. "If You Were Gay" by the original Broadway cast of Avenue Q. Nicky trying to lure Rod out of the deep closet he's in is just funny.
11. And on that note, "My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada," also from Avenue Q. Watching Rod dig deeper into that already deep closet makes me laugh.
12. "Ebay" by Weird Al Yankovic. This song is to Ebay what "Ikea" is to, well, Ikea! A parody of the Back Street Boys' "I Want it That Way," Weird Al nails it:
"Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunch box)/Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)/Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre/Found it on Ebay."
13. "The Internet is for Porn" also from Avenue Q. Kate exclaims, "Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the Internet!" Trekkie Monster replies, "Oh?? You have NO idea! Ready normal people..." I think it's a testament to this song's social relevance that my mother quoted it at me yesterday when I told her we learned to fix a toilet by watching how-to videos on YouTube. Her response? "See, the Internet is not just for porn!"
14. and 15. "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" and "You Can Be As Loud as the Hell You Want (When You're Making Love). "More genius from Avenue Q, but what do you expect from writers who thank "Lithium" in their CD liner notes? "Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes/Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes/Look around and you will find/No one's really color blind/Maybe it's a fact/We all should face/Everyone makes judgments/Based on race." My mom actually uses this song in her presentations about diversity. She doesn't use "You can be..." that I know of!
Ok, there are a few more Jonathan Coulton songs on my playlist, but my arms are sore and there's a little dog who needs walking, so later!